everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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