Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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