put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
