She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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