First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize