Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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