Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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