Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
