Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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