I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
