it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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