actually, I'm a sock model
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
