Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
