Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize