So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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