Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
