my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
MIDGETS
????
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize