Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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