Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize