I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
