Buhtt sex?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
