you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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