i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
