at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
