I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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