Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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