Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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