i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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