I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
