So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
