THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
