mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this will be a night to untag.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
