I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
