so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
