Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize