Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
