No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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