Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
