So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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