YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
