I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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