it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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