I just saw a hot homeless man
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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