she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
