She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
