where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
