Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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