Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
