found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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