I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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