I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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