Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
