I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
