you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
