my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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