I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
