So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
