Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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