I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
