I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
be right there i have to get my cape
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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