I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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