Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
