Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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