Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
