ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
