Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
